Surprisingly, I am having a hard time finding inspiration for my "New Year; New Me" post. Why this is surprising to me is because I am so motivated to make this year better than the last (and lets face it, those who know me, know that's probably not going to be too hard since 2014 sucked!)
My original plan was to write a post similar to the one I wrote for the start of 2014; bullet point my resolutions and goals and explain my plan of action to reach them. However, as I stared at my computer, longing for my writers block to vanish, I realized I didn't need a format for how I wanted to share my thoughts for the new year; I am just going to write.
I woke up this morning with a text message (a few text messages but this one stood out) from my oldest friend, telling me she is thankful for us rekindling our "best friend" status and that she loved me. This meant so much because, #1. She is not the most emotionally open person, and #2. I have always struggled to find friends that I could truly be myself with, not walk on eggshells with, and ones that wanted to put the same amount of love and effort into our friendship as I did. Don't get me wrong, I have been on the opposite end of this; where I have been the friend not reciprocating the effort, and I regret some of those situations, but I also need to move forward knowing that every one makes mistakes and everything happens for a reason. I cannot harbor any animosity to those who have hurt me and I do not want to hold any grudges. It brings too much negativity. I hope those who I have hurt can also let go and move forward. So, to those who I have become closer to within 2014, I thank you for your friendship. It was a hard year and know that your support has meant a lot!
Being healthy is a main goal for 2015; as I am sure it is for everyone at the start of every new year. For me, I have to take it seriously. It is not just about losing the extra weight I have put on over the last 8 years or so, but about feeling better about myself on the inside. Mental health goes hand in hand with physical health, and I need to work on both. As of this month (end of the month technically), I will be 6 months sober. Plenty of people assumed my drinking and partying days were just me growing up and having fun but it was more than that. Of course, I am learning that I do not need to justify my choice for being sober to anyone, or explain the who, what, when, where and whys, however, I can say that it sucked being invited to parties because I was the one who got everyone to drink and have fun, or to be known as the one who drank too much and got crazy. Either way, I am tackling all the issues that come with being sober head on (and trust me, when you use a substance to push down emotions for many years and then you take it away, plenty of issues come up)
School is definitely "an elephant in the room" when I think of goals for 2015. 2014 brought a few failed attempts with taking school seriously (and for a few justified reasons) which broke down my focus and motivation. Part of getting myself mentally healthy is to not beat myself up, and school is a subject that I always get down on myself for. I'm done with feeling like I need a clear vision in my scholastic journey, just because I should have one. Guess what? I don't! And that is okay. I'm not "less than" because of this. I have come to realize though, that receiving a degree (both Associates and Bachelors) are personal goals that I would like to accomplish in my lifetime. Of course I hope the Associates is in the near future but I am not setting a timeline on the other because I know, from experience, life happens. I also know that with wanting to start a family sometime soon, school will not be my #1 priority, and I am okay with that. I am so very lucky to have a husband who supports me, emotionally and financially, and I do not take that for granted. One day I will receive my degree and at that time I will most likely get back into the work force and hopefully enjoy the job I am getting paid to do (that's the ultimate goal, right?) Until then, I am going to chip away at my general education, and transfer requirements (because Sonoma State is still my end game), try to enjoy myself, and I potentially find the path I want to travel.
So, as I sit here, on my second cup of coffee, I reflect on the last 365 days. I am going into 2015 with a clearer vision of who I am, and who I want to be because of all the curve balls 2014 threw at me. For that, I thank you 2014.
Goodbye (and good riddance) 2014; Hello 2015!!
Until next time...
No comments:
Post a Comment